Welcome Back
Posted @ 5:59 p.m. on 2006-08-31

The many changes of Hubbyman over the past months have alluded to this. As cool as it seems for one man to talk about himself in the third person perspective, it is important for him, that is to say me, to come to grips with reality and except certain truths.

I am who I am because of the people that I come in contact with. My mannerisms are responsive to the attitudes and morals of those around me. I choose to keep certain company for those reasons. There are situations that are uncontrollable such as my work environment. The one person who has been able to drag me down has returned with, what only seems to be, good intent and interest. He knows me and I know him better than each of us desires. I can read him at a glance. I know when treachery stares me in the eye and it was there today.

The emotion that ran through me when I heard him was intense but not so that I broke my concentration. I wanted to see him. I wanted him to see me and I wanted for his eyes to tell me the truth.

On a side note, I am an accomplished liar. I have lied to everyone from myself to God and just about everyone in between. If that gives me credit to be able to detect a lie, I am not proud of it, but it helps.

The story of him and what he has seen and done laid itself out in front of me. I saw his fear, his pain, his anger and disgust, and his true feelings. He was a good friend of mine. I say “was” because he turned his back on me when I needed a friend the most. Now he is paying for it. Every time he sees me he is reminded of what he did to me and my family and I hurt for him.

Why the hell do I care about his feelings? Why do I hurt for him? Why doesn’t he try to rectify the situation? I’ll tell you why, because if he does then he will become like me. He will seem weak to others and will be ridiculed for it. What he doesn’t get is I am a very strong person that wouldn’t let anyone talk bad about him and would give him the truth about things.

I did just admit that I was a very good liar, but the difference is He would the one that got hurt. Not me. In my own sick way I guess I try to protect people at all cost. Sometimes it backfires.

I am far from perfect, that is no secret, but I do know what a good friend is supposed to be like. It’s too bad that people like him ruin it for people like some of you. I can only hope that he will not make the same mistake twice.

H-man