Dangerous encounter
Posted @ 9:08 p.m. on 2006-01-16

Picture if you will...(dissolve into a flashback)....There I am, all tense and statuesque, staring down the biggest, meanest, ugliest, most ferocious toddler in the entire US of A. The mist was thick, heat sweltering, large black flies buzzing around. The only thing between me and this creature of destruction was a hunk of candybar in it's hand and a diaper wipe in mine. Sweat beads forming on my distinguished brow and slowly winding their way through the stress ridden creases on my forehead. I dare not move even though my eyes were burning with the harsh sting of sweat.

It was only a matter of minutes now. How much longer could I endure standing still so the revinous child wouldn't notice? I felt my legs start to tremble due to the immense strain of holding the half way forward leaning crouch that I was in. She was almost finished devouring the last pieces of chocolate covered peanut butter and pretzel morsel.

Then it happened. The moment for my triumph. I was drenched in persperation. Fingers tingling, nose breathing in the aroma of freshly eaten cocoa. Eyes fixed on the target. The toddler stuffed the chocolate into her gaping mouth and with a squeal of satifaction reached her sticky fingers toward the carpet.

(slow motion)

"NOOoooooooowa" I called as I broke pose to reach the creature before it had the chance to escape and spread the chocolately goo everywhere.

(end slow motion)

She wiped her hands on the carpet before I could get to her, but that was her undoing. I caught her and with a furry of whiping I had her dangerous lower mandible clear of any crusties. She shook violently and squealed; laughed and giggled as if this were some sort of strange demented game. Well I wasn't laughing. I had had enough. She was going down. I summoned my assistant for ....assistance. She brought more wipes and with a combined effort we finally completed our mission. The baby was clean and ready for bed.

A sigh of relief fell over the entire area as the shining figure of a baby emerged happy and with full belly.